Psychologists of all stripes with an enviable regularity determine how many years of living love. Love is the most fleeting of all our senses.
Speaking about the transience of love, psychologists have in mind her windy younger sister – love. It is she who is characterized by all the passions of the first years of relations between a man and a woman, even if they have a seal about marriage in their passport – plans, hopes, dreams, fantasies. In general, a large energy ball of feelings and sensations. Statistics say that in this state, we really live for a maximum of three years, after which we begin to see a loved one as he really is.
Down with the rose-colored glasses!
What happens when we stop seeing a loved one through rose-colored glasses. We open our eyes to many things: a loved one, it turns out, likes to throw dirty socks around the room, toothpaste is spattered in the bathroom mirror all the time. And what yesterday seemed to be nice and forgiving weaknesses, today begins to seriously annoy. And you either need to remodel a person, or reconcile with his shortcomings and diligently play along with him, pretending that everything suits you. The first way leads to nowhere, since it is almost impossible to remake another person, the second one requires outstanding actor data and huge energy costs. And if, as a result, the relationship collapses, it is not because the person is bad in itself, but because you did not have the wisdom to get along with him.
When there is love, an understanding comes that the common life is, first of all, work. Daily, hourly and every minute. By the way, psychologists give one more figure (seventeen months) – the time during which we are under the influence of love. It is after seventeen months that the prodigal husbands return to the family, who made an important discovery: in their new chosen one, it turns out that there is nothing special. As for love, it begins – or does not begin – after love passes. It’s calmer, without crazy passions and emotions, but also a stronger feeling that can last a lifetime.
Love can turn into love, and may not go. Therefore, we can say that there is love without love, but love without love does not happen – this is the first and indispensable stage of it. When love passes, people bitterly say: “Oh, love has passed!” And was there any love? There were passions that could not stand the clash with serious problems. If a person is willing to endure the difficulties that have arisen and give someone who is next to him another chance, then most likely he really loves. But this is not love-passion, but love-wisdom and love-patience. All of us are touched by elderly couples who walk along the street sedately, under the arm and look at each other with tenderness. Yes, probably, in their life there were serious problems – quarrels, treason – but they were able to live together to the advanced years and preserve the most important thing – love.
Love is madness
The fact that nature programmed us only for two or three years of love, once again speaks of its wisdom, because for this vivid sense the complex biochemical processes occurring in the brain are responsible. They practically burn a person from within. A condition in which we can not live without a loved one, because we have “one breath for two” – is abnormal for our body. It is very nice, but like any pleasure, it should not last long, otherwise our psyche will simply not survive. Love is the same addiction as the narcotic or alcoholic: a man yearns for no apparent reason, he is feverish, his heart beats in an accelerated rhythm, he can neither eat nor sleep – he always thinks about the subject of his passion. If the period of love lasted longer than three years, all of us would already be patients of psychiatric clinics. What would be left of us in ten to fifteen years of such stress? Love lasts so much so that we can feel happy, but not ashes to the ground.
Image Credit: Elena Taranenko